It's Aries season. Time to unapologetically own our own desires ââââ by The Asian Astrologer
Of all the things I inherited from my mom . . .
I inherited her inability to own my own desires.
When I was younger, I saw my mother as Super Mom. She never had any needs, wants or desires. Her standard answer was always "up to you" or "what do YOU want?". As I grew older, I realized it wasn't that she didn't have any needs . . .
. . . it was that she found it difficult to own them outright:
"Don't you think this is nice?" she would say, pointing to an item on the menu, instead of just ordering it.
"Why do you want that?" she would ask when we were shopping, making us justify the choices we made until we found the one she approved of.
It was exhausting to be around. All that work . . . instead of just outright stating what she wants! đ°đ°đ°
Shawn pointed out to me recently that I do this too, and I was shocked that I'd inherited the same pattern of behavior that had caused me so much grief:
When I wanted him to go out to dinner with me, I'd start by saying, "Are you hungry? Do you wanna go out?" instead of "I'm hungry, let's go out!".
When I started craving for a massage (hello, Venus in Taurus!), I would moan about it to Shawn, but never take any steps to make it happen. Even when we'd left the house, and were on the way to the mall, I was still asking Shawn, "are you sure?". đ€Ż
Is there any wonder why I struggle to own my BIGGER desires, like owning a home and running a successful Astrology business and traveling the world?!
I decided then and there to flip the script.
To break the cycle of suppression and denial my mother, and all the generations of women before her, lived in.
To own my desires, once and for all.
So, on a random Thursday afternoon, I bought Shawn and I a couple's massage. With all the trimmings. đ§ââïž
Snacks. Foot soak. Reflexology. The whole nine yards. đȘđ«§đđ»ââïžâš
. . . And promptly fell asleep during it. đ
It felt so good to give myself what I want; I went and did it again the next day!
I woke up at the crack of dawn, and dragged my butt to a meditation class on the other side of town. It was 30 minutes away, past two tolls, so far from my home . . . I barely got there in time. But I felt like a million bucks after.
Because I fulfilled my own desire.
After class, I went to a nearby cafĂ©. I've always loved the view there, but I never felt like I could afford it âââ a burger can set you back RM28+ (just the burger, no fries). But it's a FREAKING GOOD BURGER. I'd seen it all over social media.
I desired that damn burger. And you know what?
I had it. For breakfast. đ«
If you know me personally, you'd know that this is rare ââ not just because I'm not the type to splurge on myself, but because I have PCOS.
I don't eat burgers for breakfast. I have safe, clean, nutritionally sound meals, to balance my hormones. BUT I WANTED A FUCKING BURGER.
So . . . I ordered it. đ
And devoured it in five big bites, licking my fingers after for good measure.
I felt so satiated, so filled. So SEEN and HELD in my desires, my needs, my wants.
I felt like I could fulfill my OWN needs. I could give myself what I want.
This is something I haven't felt . . . ever. đ„č
And I can't tell you how nourishing, how healing it was to feel that way. That I had my own back. That I would never deny my own desires, no matter how silly or small. I suddenly felt like life was filled with possibilities . . . possibilities I can fulfill.
đđđđđđđ
Is this what it means to expand?
Perhaps.
But if you're taking anything away from this, let it be this:
OWN YOUR OWN DESIRES.
Even if you're unsure. Even if it seems crazy. Even if it may not be your own.
You'll only know once you've fulfilled it, whether or not it was right for you.
It's a muscle, and just like anything else, we need to build it.
Through constant repetition and exposure and exercise.
We need to see each other doing it. Fulfilling it. Letting ourselves be moved by each other's bigness, be egged on towards greatness. Expanding . . . together.
I am so grateful you're here. This Aries season, how will you nurture your desire?
with love & burgers,
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